How do you do, Reader?​
​
Last weekend, I was reflecting on my coaching work and assessing some of my recent programs. One client stood out – he came to me wanting to develop emotional intelligence so he could show up better for his fiancée. We worked together for over half a year, and one of the most beautiful outcomes? He got married. What a way to conclude our work together!

That made me think: a lot of people come to me for advice about love, and yet, I rarely talk about it – even though I’ve helped people understand love, find it, and keep it.

So today, I want to share with you the 3 things that helped me find and keep love:

​

1. Honoring My Season 🌱

There was a time – especially during college – when I decided I didn’t want to have a boyfriend.
​
I was genuinely terrified of what a romantic relationship might require – especially anything physical. (Real talk: Back then, I found kissing and anything beyond that super unhygienic and a little scary tbh.)

I never shared this before because I didn’t want people to think I was weird or “not cool.” Thankfully, that was also the time I became active in church, and they were teaching about intentional waiting, so that gave me permission to be different.

And guess what?
Those years became some of the most empowering years of my life. I focused on my studies, led the student council, hit the gym, and best of all, I didn’t have to answer to anyone whether I reached home or not. 😅

Looking back, I realised that somehow, this worked for me because I honored my season. I didn’t cave to pressure just because “everyone else” was dating. And truthfully, this applies to every stage in life:

• Graduate? “When are you getting a job?”
• Got a job? “When are you settling down?”
• In a relationship? “When’s the wedding?”
• Married? “When’s the baby coming?”

We hear these questions all the time – as if life follows a fixed blueprint. It doesn’t.​
​

Whatever decision you make, make sure it comes from you. Tune in to your spirit, your season, and your readiness. Don’t do something just because others told you to do so.

​

2. Becoming the Right Person 💫

The best thing about honoring your season is you get a lot of time to prepare and work on yourself.
​

We’ve all heard the line: “Don’t look for the right person, be the right person.”

But how do you know when you are?
Here’s my take:
​
You don’t chase. And you don’t exactly “attract” either (that one’s overused, lol).
You rest. You trust. You already know that you are worthy of love, and it will come.
And if it doesn’t, you know you’ll still be okay.

But this level of trust and knowing isn’t passive waiting. It’s active preparation.

If you believe you’re meant for marriage, you make an effort to learn how to be that kind of person who can sustain a healthy one.
​
You also date with clear intention – not to “fill a void,” but to explore alignment.
And you’re compassionate enough to walk away from someone who’s not the right match.

You have practiced self-awareness and developed healthy ways to deal with your triggers.
​
You also know how to receive love as much as you know how to give them.

Love isn’t something you find – it’s something you remember. It’s not earned. It’s already here, woven into everything, in everyone, always.

​

3. Choosing Someone With Shared Values and Goals 🎯

Some people don’t achieve their relationship goals, not because they have not found the right person, but because they don’t actually choose one.

Here’s something I realized after marriage that no one talks about enough:
There are actually many people out there you could technically marry.

But love that lasts? That’s not just chemistry. It’s not fate. It’s choice.
You choose each other – and keep choosing each other – again and again.

​

Now here’s something deeper from my coaching work:
We often attract partners who mirror our unhealed wounds.
​
As psychologist Harville Hendrix puts it, “We are attracted to people who embody both the positive and negative characteristics of our primary caretakers.”
​​
Why? Because unconsciously, we want to heal those wounds through our partner.
​
So, if your wounds are unhealed, they’ll likely affect your relationship in unhealthy ways.
That’s why it’s important to do our inner work.

​

Choosing the right person starts with knowing your values, understanding what kind of relationship you want to build, and seeing if your goals align.

If you’re unsure of what your values are, I have this quiz I’ve created long back:

​

​

Remember, whatever stage your relationship is in, it’s your shared values and vision that will hold you together.
​

And here’s something you can also test for yourself:
While shared values and vision hold you together, what seals it all, truly, is something deeper – your shared faith.

In my marriage, God has been the third cord holding us together. Without that spiritual anchor, we would’ve cracked during hard seasons.

​

💭Questions for You This Week

1. What does “being the right person” mean to you at this stage?
2. What do you want love to feel like – not just look like?
3. What are the values you refuse to compromise on in a relationship?

​

📣Your Turn!

If this resonated with you, I’d LOVE to hear from you.

✅Hit reply – tell me what stood out to you most.
📸Screenshot a favorite quote and tag me on Instagram @trainwithdanenow​
📨Forward this to a friend who needs to hear this today.

​

Whether you’re waiting, dating, or married – I hope this message finds you in a season where love feels less like pressure and more like peace.

​

​

With love (literally) ε(´｡•᎑•`)っ -`♡´-,

Denielle

​